


for want of a word

by icygrace



Series: I forgive you, I forgive me [2]
Category: Olympics RPF, Sports RPF, Swimming RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:45:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8669953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icygrace/pseuds/icygrace
Summary: “Michael never thought he’d find himself in this position.” Michael and Ryan get divorced and this is what follows. Spans about 20 years.Post-What the Water Gave Me AU.





	

**Author's Note:**

> What the Water Gave Me AU, so can stand alone if you haven’t read that. One-shot because if I let myself, this could become a whole ‘verse like WWGM and I – and probably you – could not handle me drawing out another story like that. Ironically, no real spoilers for WWGM itself other than “Phlochte have marital problems and separate,” which isn’t really a spoiler because it’s in the first chapter, and something one of the kids does early on in WWGM. 
> 
> Title is an alteration of the title of the proverbial rhyme “For want of a nail.” 
> 
> For the factual information (and its in/accuracy), I thank/blame Internet research. For those of you who are reading WWGM, I don’t even know how this happened and I apologize in advance. 
> 
> Comments would mean THE WORLD. This is one of those things stored up for years because I couldn't bring myself to wrap WWGM.

_Friday, January 1, 2021 – Gainesville, FL_

 

On New Year’s Day – two days to the year that they mark the real beginning of their attempts to rebuild their marriage – Ryan tells him they can’t go on like this.

 

The state of Florida only requires a minimum of 20 days to enter a Final Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage.

 

Because they leave the financial aspects to their lawyers and hash out a custody agreement in consultation with the kids’ therapist that those same lawyers later formalize, their divorce is finalized in February 2021. On Valentine’s Day, of all days.

 

Ryan keeps the kids, the house, and his heart.

 

\---

 

Well, that’s not entirely true.

 

It’s not like Ryan keeps the kids locked away from him because however much Michael is inclined not to make things more difficult than they already are, that’s one fight he wouldn’t back down from.

 

Not to mention, Ollie and Lo are 7 going on 8, strong-willed and already very unhappy with the divorce. Yet, confused and angry and sad as they are, there’s almost a . . . relief to them since it all became official that guts him.

 

But Ryan does have primary custody; that means the reverse of the arrangement during their initial separation: Ryan has weekdays, Michael has weekends.

 

Practically speaking, he knows why they’ve made the arrangement they have: switching off every other week would be destabilizing for Ollie and Lo, as would switching house and dad mid-week. So Michael picks them up from school on Fridays, drops them back off at St. Peter’s on Monday morning and goes back to his place to count the (seconds, minutes, hours,) days until the following Friday.

 

He literally has _nothing to do_ when the kids aren’t around; there’s nothing for him in Gainesville, nothing for him in _the_ _state of Florida_ , other than his children. And they’re the most important thing, but he only gets them two and a half days a week and he really can’t bear it.

 

\---

 

Because he and Ryan don’t drag each other through the mud and keep Peter and Erika on exceptionally tight leashes to make sure _they_ don’t, his reputation doesn’t take the hit it might have if they’d divorced at the height of the scandal or any other time between that and Istanbul. A quiet divorce, months after the Olympics – a month after which they immediately started laying low and keeping their heads down – is the best possible outcome.

 

(Other than actually working things out, of course. The one thing they _couldn’t_ manage.)

 

But Michael still isn’t as in demand as he might have been – as in demand as he used to be – and he knows it’s not just the nearly 9 years since London, because he’s still the _motherfucking GOAT_ , as he drunkenly tells Jeff shortly after the divorce goes through. It’s been _2 years_ and America has yet to forgive him.

 

Not that that really matters to him, except it means he has way too much free time.

 

 _Give it time,_ Peter says. _Give it time._

 

All he _has_ is time.

 

\---

 

But Peter never lets him down. This time is no different: it doesn’t take long for Peter to call bearing the very surprising news that Haney’s interested again. It would get Michael out of Gainesville several days at a time and could be made to work around his time with the kids. Fly out Monday afternoons; be back by Friday morning, with time to spare.  

 

He accepts, with the condition that his former (failed) marriage is off-limits and his children’s screen-time – if any, pending their other father’s approval – will be highly limited.

 

\---

 

Shortly after Michael starts filming _Haney_ , Ryan calls and asks to meet up. Michael tries not to get his hopes up, but he does anyway.

 

He’s brought crashing back down to earth by Ryan’s pronouncement that he needs to “get the fuck out of Gainesville. I can’t stand it anymore. And I’m retired, so it’s not like I have to be here anyway.”

 

Michael is too shocked to ask _What about the kids?_ Instead, he asks where.

 

“New York. I was thinking LA, but the weekends would be harder to swing and anyway, like, I don’t know how we’d even do this, but I just –”

 

“I’m doing Haney because I hate it here.” The _now_ goes unspoken. “I wouldn’t mind moving to New –”

 

“I don’t want you just following me,” Ryan interrupts sharply. More sharply than he intended, if the look on his face a split second later is any indication.

 

Michael feels stung, but thinks quickly. “It’d be a good place to open up another office for the foundation, you know? I could, um, split my time between there and Baltimore, make sure I’m in New York for the weekends.”

 

The next day, Michael calls a real estate agent in New York and puts his Gainesville place on the market.

 

It doesn’t work out quite as neatly as he’d like because _Haney_ drums up interest that increases the demands on his time again, but he does his best.

 

\---

 

_August 2025 – Baltimore, MD_

 

The twins turn 12 while they’re in Baltimore with Michael.

 

The day after the big day, Ollie corrects him for the first time: “ _Oliver._ Ollie’s a little kid’s name.”

 

A week after that, their last week in town, Lo gets her first period. She locks herself in the bathroom and, barely comprehensible through her tears, refuses to open the door until Oliver tells her Daddy’s on the phone.

 

\---

 

_November 2026_

 

Lo loves gymnastics.

 

Lo doesn’t love her body, because it’s not what a gymnast’s body should look like.

 

In pursuit of that perfect gymnast’s body, their daughter develops what turns out to be a full-blown case of _anorexia nervosa_ – a diagnosis that might never have been made if not for his mother’s insistence at Thanksgiving when the twins are 13.

 

With gymnastics out of the question as she recovers (out of the question _forever_ , as far as both her dads are concerned), Lo picks up piano – a pursuit as classical as the ballet her therapist says is OK unless it’s not – and is so determined to excel that her daytime practice repeats itself in sleep, her slender pianist’s fingers (Miss Rogers trilled “you have _perfect_ hands for the piano” upon meeting her) playing songs only she can hear.

 

\---

 

_April 2027 – New York, NY_

 

The following year, Michael brings up the elephant in the natatorium at one of Oliver’s school meets: it’s all but impossible for Oliver to get the kind of training he needs to be competitive at Olympic trials if he stays in New York. He knows Ryan will see it as a ploy to steal Oliver away, to renege on their carefully negotiated custody agreement.

 

But Ryan . . . doesn’t. He’s hesitant, certainly, but he doesn’t disagree. “I wish he wouldn’t, he’d let himself just be a kid longer, you know? But I don’t wanna hold him back and . . . the training would be better down there. I couldn’t’ve ever worked with Bob, but I think Ols could.”

 

Michael briefly considers suggesting that Ryan move, too, if not to Baltimore, at least further south to Delaware or DC, if only for the year or so before the Olympics. But the idea would go over like a lead balloon and would be completely impractical for Ryan’s work, so he doesn’t bother.

 

Instead, after tremendous hesitation on Ryan’s part, they offer Lo the option of joining Oliver and Michael in Baltimore. She declines.

 

Oliver will start training with Bob at NBAC that summer and enrolls at the Gilman School for the fall.

 

\---

 

Even though it’s necessary and it isn’t his – their – intention, he can’t help but feel uneasy not just over splitting the kids up and what that might do to their relationship, but over the _way_ they’ve split the kids up – Oliver with Michael and Lo with Ryan – and what that might look or feel like to the twins.

 

That if they let it go on too long, Lo might start to question his love or Oliver Ryan’s, that Lo’s relationship with Michael’s mother and sisters will suffer, that with the passage of time Oliver will feel differently among the Lochtes (who, truth be told, he’s always preferred to Michael’s family) than he always has.

 

That the twins will start to imagine or even make the distinctions they never have.

 

\--

 

_June 2027 – New York, NY_

 

He arrives at Ryan’s to find Oliver all packed, pacing the foyer. Oliver picks up a bag as soon as he sees Michael over Ryan’s shoulder, gets it all squared away with ruthless efficiency. His goodbyes are quick and unemotional.

 

Oliver asks to sit in the back seat on the drive down. Michael assumes he’s worn out and will drop off to sleep right away, so he agrees. Oliver buckles up and doesn’t wave to Ryan and Lo, who are watching from the curb. While Oliver turns his head to stare out the opposite window, Michael can see Lo bury her head in Ryan’s chest. Michael looks away, knowing they’ll never be on their way if he doesn’t.

 

He understands once they get on the interstate and he sees Oliver’s watery eyes in the rearview mirror. But he doesn’t let on because Oliver is a teenage boy and has his pride.   

 

\---

 

_November 2027 – Baltimore, MD_

 

With Oliver’s hectic new schedule, it’s impossible for him to leave Baltimore even for a day and Michael doesn’t want him by himself, so Thanksgiving is the first time they see Lo since Oliver moved down there.

 

When they pick Lo up at the airport, Michael’s relieved to see she looks healthy – no thinner than the last time they saw her, eating normally and not in that way she did when she was recovering, when it was obvious that she wasn’t enjoying it, that every bite was an effort because she still saw food as the enemy, a punishment for bad behavior, and them as her wardens.

 

But she’s quieter and so is Oliver. It’s strange not to hear their familiar joking and bickering. After the divorce, it sometimes made him feel left out, the way they’d be yammering away but would clam up as soon as he tried to engage them, but now he misses the chatter.

 

Eventually Lo breaks the uncomfortable silence to ask about Oliver’s training.

 

He mumbles a sleepy “fine” before leaning against his seat in the back to doze off.

 

She doesn’t say another word the whole way home.  

 

\---

 

Later, during dinner, Oliver asks about some of their mutual friends between bites of pot roast. “Having fun?”

 

Lo finishes chewing and shrugs. “Yeah. They’re good.”

 

Oliver’s face falls once she looks back down at her plate.

 

\---

 

Before bed that night, Lo asks to speak to Michael alone and tells him that she hates it at Trinity now, because all anyone ever asks her about is Oliver. “I don’t want to go there anymore, but Daddy won’t let me leave.”

 

When he calls Ryan, fight on the tip of his tongue, Ryan takes the wind out of his sails by telling him that Lo never told him she wanted to _leave_.

 

“You had them for years, why can’t she come here, too?”

 

“Never said she can’t.”

 

Simple enough.

 

But Lo still doesn’t want Baltimore (where it’ll be the _Oliver Lochte-Phelps Pre-Olympic Show_ , she says peevishly) or Brearley (the top-ranked all-girls’ school in New York that Ryan offers as an alternative to Trinity); she wants boarding school.

 

Lo always gets her way, so she’ll start her sophomore year at Andover.    

 

\---

 

_June 2028 – Omaha, NE_

 

Michael broke Ryan’s heart years ago, but it’s Oliver who smashes it to bits.

 

Not because Ryan’s upset that Oliver fails to make the Olympic team or even because _Oliver’s_ upset that he fails to make the Olympic team (though he obviously is), but because Oliver, disappointed with his showing at Trials and fed up with the unfavorable comparisons to Michael, lashes out at him in Ryan’s presence. “I wish Pop was my real father instead of you!”

 

The room goes still and silent until Ryan finally manages to speak, voice breaking barely perceptibly. “You don’t mean that.”

 

Oliver just stares at him.

 

Ryan looks away first and pulls his phone out of his pocket. “Oh, it’s Lo. I gotta –”

 

Michael can see Lo’s phone – probably forgotten when she went for a walk at Michael’s request, to give them some time alone with Oliver – on the coffee table. He looks up to see Ryan’s face crumple as he walks out, probably so Oliver won’t see. Ryan’s never liked to betray negative emotions in front of the kids. Michael would like nothing more than to run after him, but he’s got Oliver to deal with.

 

Oliver, who’s misunderstood Ryan completely – and who, after all, is a good kid, despite the flashes of temper – immediately apologizes to Michael. “Dad, he’s right, I’m sorry, it’s just –”

 

The ensuing conversation isn’t one that can wait. It’s one they’ve needed to have for a while, that’s been brewing under the surface of things for a long time now that it’s just the two of them, especially as Oliver’s pre-Trials prep ramped up, one without which Michael worried Oliver would get to a point where he’d stop enjoying swimming altogether.

 

After that, he worries instead that things may never be the same between Ryan and their son.

 

\---

 

In the months that follow, Michael picks up the phone to call Ryan dozens of times, to try and explain, to make it better for him somehow.

 

Every single time he loses his courage and puts it back down. 

 

\---

 

_December 2030 – Baltimore, MD_

 

When the twins are seniors, they spend Christmas with Michael and his mother and sisters and the rest of their family because they’ll be spending New Year’s with the Lochtes.

 

Michael never thought he’d find himself in this position, sending their children off to attend Ryan’s _wedding_ to someone else. 

 

Ryan remarries on New Year’s Day 2031.

 

Since Ryan, Michael’s met no one worth marrying, barely worth _dating_. He didn’t think Ryan would either.

 

\---

 

_Thursday, November 23, 2028_

 

“Thought it might be nice if you came down after Christmas this year, Thanksgiving’s so short. How ‘bout it?” Michael asks Lo on the way home from Thanksgiving dinner at his mother’s.

 

“I can’t.”

 

“She’s going _skiing_ ,” Oliver explains in a sing-song tone. Oliver, as usual, has swimming.

 

“With who?” Ryan’s supposed to run trips by him before letting Lo just go off with any –

 

“With Pop.”

 

“Speaking of Daddy, he gave me your Harvard shirt, you forgot it last month.”

 

That’s surprising. Oliver’s not one to forget anything.

 

“I’ve got it in my –”

 

“You can keep it.”

 

Oddly generous of him. That t-shirt might be worn and faded, but it’s one of Oliver’s favorites. But Michael wants to get back to the important thing. “Ry – _Your dad_ doesn’t like skiing,” he says, emphasizing the words for Oliver’s benefit like he’s often done since Trials.

 

“Pop doesn’t like skiing. _Derrick_ likes skiing.”

 

“Who’s Derrick?” Michael asks, a cold feeling settling in his stomach.

 

“Pop’s boyfriend,” Oliver replies in that way teenagers have, where they try to sound like they could care less when really they care way too much.

 

\---

 

_Friday, October 27, 2028_

 

Michael decides to ship Oliver off to Ryan’s the weekend before Halloween, knowing that with Lo away at school, they’ll be stuck with each other, no choice but to talk things out before the rift between them gets any wider.

 

Ryan’s surprised, but agrees.  

 

Michael knows Oliver will make excuses not to go, so he packs a bag and drops him at the Amtrak station after Friday afternoon practice over his and Bob’s protests.

 

“Like he probably doesn’t even want –”

 

“He’ll be glad,” Michael insists. “He’s looking forward to it.”

 

Much to Michael’s disappointment, Oliver comes back even more sullen than he’d left and won’t tell him much of anything about the weekend.

 

\---

 

_Thursday, November 23, 2028_

 

“Oh.” Michael takes a deep breath as he pulls up to the house. He doesn’t say anything else until he’s parked the car and killed the engine. “Did you meet him when you visited your dad?”

 

“Yeah,” Oliver mumbles.

 

“How about you, Bean?” The nickname feels wrong now, but he’s trying to preserve some semblance of normalcy.

 

“Daddy invited him to lunch with us before my train.” Lo had taken the train down from Boston to New York Tuesday night to have a day with Ryan before coming down to Baltimore yesterday.

 

“What’s – did you like him OK?”

 

Lo won’t quite look at him in the rearview mirror. “He’s fine. Not like a serial killer or anything.”

 

That’s encouraging. He doesn’t want his kids half-orphans at 15, after all.

 

“They know each other from like work or something.”

 

Privately, Michael can’t picture Ryan with the kind of man he’s likely to meet through the fashion industry. But at this point they’ve been divorced for nearly as long as they were married (half as long as they were together), so God knows what Ryan’s into now.

 

He swallows the shudder that goes through him, wondering if his mother undercooked the turkey this year.

 

\---

 

_Thursday, January 2, 2031_

 

_Ryan Lochte and Derrick Richardson_

 

_BY LISA-MARIE CHARLES_

_Published: January 2, 2031_

_Ryan Steven Lochte and Derrick James Richardson were married Wednesday evening in a private ceremony at their Upper East Side home._

 

If Michael Googles Ryan’s wedding after the fact . . . well, who can blame him for wanting to know more about his kids’ new stepfather?

 

Dark-haired and dark-eyed, Derrick has the complexion of someone who grew up in the Northeast and seems to be just about Ryan’s height, though a little bit leaner.

 

And a fair bit younger, as the _Times_ wedding announcement confirms.  

 

_Mr. Lochte (left), 46, is a designer specializing in men’s daywear, sportswear, shoes and accessories. He received his degree in sports management from the University of Florida, where he had a distinguished collegiate swimming career. He went on to win 20 Olympic medals over five Olympiads._

 

Michael is surprised to see his own name and winces when he reads the sentence that mentions him.

 

_Mr. Lochte’s previous marriage, to fellow Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps, popularly known as the G.O.A.T. (Greatest of All Time) due to a record 22 Olympic medals, ended in divorce. His children from that marriage, Oliver and Lauren Lochte-Phelps, were in attendance at Wednesday’s ceremony._

 

 _Children from that marriage_. Michael wonders for a moment if there are going to be any little Lochte-Richardsons in Ryan’s future – for _their_ kids’ sake, he hopes not – before skipping ahead to the part about Derrick.

 

_Mr. Richardson, 37, is general counsel in the New York office of RSL, Mr. Lochte’s fashion house. He graduated magna cum laude from Harvard College with a degree in history and received a law degree from NYU._

And how Ryan met him.

_The couple met in June 2028 during a New York Men’s Fashion Week after-party._

 

_“I had my headphones on, just trying to relax before I had to talk to some reporters, like get in my zone. Everybody else leaves you alone when you do that, you know, but he asked what I was listening to.”_

 

Michael closes out the screen after that because he can’t bear to read any more.

 

\---

 

_July 2031_

 

Derrick gets there first. Michael is in Baltimore and Ryan is MIA. But Derrick – Derrick is in New York and must break every speed limit after Michael’s frantic, expletive-filled phone call looking for Ryan.

 

\---

 

It’s the first time they’ve ever spoken. Michael calls Derrick as a last resort, after trying Ryan’s cell and his direct line at the office _and_ his assistant, who will probably get fired for letting that particular call go to voicemail.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Where’s Ryan?”

 

“Michael?”

 

“I need to talk to him, I can’t get a hold of him, he’s not picking up his fucking phone, it’s important, where is he, it’s Lo – she –” He chokes on the sob building in his throat.  

 

“Oh God, what’s –” Derrick takes a deep breath on the other end. “Ryan’s on a plane to LA, we’ll get him back here as fast as possible, but take a deep breath and tell me what happened so I can help.”

 

Despite being nearly a decade their junior, Derrick might just be better in a crisis than him and Ryan both.

 

Or it might just be easier for Derrick to stay calm because Lo isn’t _his_ daughter.

 

\---

 

Derrick calls back to say he’s arrived after not nearly enough time. But the doctors won’t tell him anything because he’s not a parent or legal guardian. “Step-parent isn’t good enough. I can’t get a hold of Ryan to give them the OK; he must not have gotten into LAX yet –” And Michael’s still at the gate at BWI, God damn it, so he does it instead.

 

The tox screen turns up alcohol, benzodiazepines (the _fuck_?) – after a quick Google search, Derrick tells him that “could mean anything from Xanax to Valium and loads of things in between” – and the kicker: cocaine.

 

Lo was driving home – back to New York, back to Ryan’s (Ryan and Derrick’s, now) – from an Andover friend’s house (what does it say about them that they don’t know the girl’s name?) and she was _drunk and high_?   

 

Their daughter – the recovered anorexic with the perfect grades and perfect SAT scores and perfect resume and perfect looks and perfect friends, who has a picture-perfect Ivy League acceptance letter (several) to her name and is bound for Yale in the fall – is out of control and could now quite possibly _die_ because of it and they had no fucking idea.

 

\---

 

_July 2031 – Greenwich, CT_

 

“He insisted,” Ryan tells Michael shortly after he’s arrived at Greenwich Hospital, hours after him and even longer after Derrick, as soon as Derrick’s gone to get them coffee. “That something wasn’t right. And I just – I thought he was just making excuses for how she was acting with him, because he didn’t want to be the heavy, like the evil stepdad, you know? Because we were fighting about it so much. Me and Lo, I mean. And I just – I should’ve –”

 

The old him would’ve screamed at Ryan – _Why didn’t you listen? Why didn’t you do something?_ Maybe even _You see our daughter lying in that bed fighting for her life?_ _Your fault!_ – the way they let each other have it when Oliver ran away all those years ago. But they’re older and they’re worn and they’re weary and he just doesn’t have it in him to cut Ryan down like that – Ryan with his slumped shoulders and red-rimmed eyes and face folded with concern, who suddenly looks ten years older than he did at the twins’ graduations last month. Michael just doesn’t have that anger, because his fear and his self-hatred don’t leave room for it.

 

It’s not Ryan’s anguished “Look at her, fucking _look at her_ , look how fucked up everything is, I fucked up, I _fucked up_ ” that makes him grateful that he didn’t. It’s the way Ryan calms down after, leans back against the hard plastic chair, drained, and chokes out that maybe Michael “should’ve kept her, too, then maybe she’d be OK” before burying his face in his hands.

 

Michael wants to take Ryan’s hand and tell him it’s not his fault, but he only does one of those things.   

 

\---

 

_July 2031 – Baltimore, MD_

 

They insist – against all resistance from Lo – on a gap year. They do their best to help her find an optimal balance of activity, rest and relaxation that includes copious amounts of therapy.

 

Because they don’t want Oliver to catch them off-guard like Lo has – they never want to go through something like that again – they insist on some form of therapy for him as well at Derrick’s suggestion, which Michael bristles at in the beginning. But his mother convinces him in the end, telling him she wishes she’d thought of it herself.

 

Oliver views it as an undeserved punishment, infuriated that he has to _go see a fucking shrink because Lo’s an anorexic, pill-popping, drugged-out head-case!_

 

Lo isn’t really any of those things – other than formerly anorexic. It turned out that the Xanax is a legitimate prescription. Ryan told them that after the doctor caught him up on things.

 

( _Then_ Michael really had to bite his tongue not to start yelling right there in the middle of the hospital, because the fact that their 17-year-old has to take Xanax seems like something that _both_ her parents – and probably her stepfather – should’ve known.)

 

The substance abuse hadn’t slid into addiction, even if it easily – so very easily – could if they aren’t careful.

 

But that isn’t really the point; the point is that Oliver really shouldn’t speak so fucking _derisively_ about his sister’s problems.

 

But Oliver keeps doing it until the day Michael confiscates the keys to his beloved Roadster – the six-figure guilt gift ( _I’m sorry it’s just you and me, I’m sorry I broke our family_ ) Michael gave him when he first got his license.

 

\---

 

Michael knows that Ryan’s version of the Roadster is Lo’s walk-in closet at his New York penthouse – closets, actually, one stuffed with designer clothes and the other filled with shoes and accessories. He only knows that because Lo regularly sends Hilary pictures of her latest acquisitions.

 

For the longest time, Hilary was the only member of his family Lo kept in touch with. Hilary had spent Thanksgiving ( _that_ Thanksgiving, the one that ended with their mother more-than-suspecting that his daughter had an eating disorder) with her husband’s family. That had spared her from being lumped in with everyone else and labeled a traitor.

 

\---

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Out.”

 

“Where?”

 

“With my friends.”

 

“Which friends?”

 

“From school. You know, Bobby and the guys.”

 

“It’s late. Be careful and don’t do anything –”

 

“Don’t worry, Dad.” Oliver grabs his keys out of the basket by the door. “You’re talking to your good kid, not the one who drives drunk.”

 

Michael snatches the keys away before he even realizes what he’s about. “You’re grounded.”

 

“What the fuck!”

 

“One, don’t swear at me. Two, I told you I wasn’t going to put up with that snotty attitude anymore.”

 

“I didn’t even do anything wrong! I’ve never even gotten a speeding ticket, let alone a DUI.” Oliver raises his eyebrows mockingly as he says it. Fucking Google.

 

Michael puts a hand up and pockets the keys. “Not another _word_ if you want to go anywhere besides practice for the next month.”

 

\---

 

It’s clear now that he was right to worry when he first moved Oliver to Baltimore.

 

The boy who preferred his twin over anybody else in the world and wasn’t afraid to show it, who could be vulnerable with his dads without feeling weak, has long since been sacrificed on the altar of Oliver’s Olympic ambitions.

 

\---

 

Oliver plans to matriculate at Cal after his own gap year, which will be focused on his Olympic training.

 

Neither Ryan nor Michael succeeds in convincing Oliver into therapy. Considering he’s there in Baltimore with Michael and hardly knows Derrick, it’s no surprise that Derrick’s attempt fails, too.

 

But they can’t _force_ Oliver because he turned 18 that summer and the threat of cutting him off, lobbed by Michael in extreme anger, doesn’t work – not because Ryan wouldn’t back him up (they’ve learned the hard way not to let the twins play them against each other), but because Oliver has a full ride waiting for him for college and because _Nana wouldn’t let me starve_. So it takes the combined efforts of Bob and of Dave Durden, Oliver’s future coach at Cal, to convince him it could only help the aforementioned Olympic training.

 

\---

 

_April 2032 – New York, NY_

 

For Lo, they insist – in separate and jointly held conversations – that she apply to Columbia rather than enroll at Yale when her gap year concludes so Ryan and Derrick can keep an eye on her, with frequent visits from Michael. Lo chafes at that, but when she realizes she can’t play her daddy and stepfather off against her dad – that all that will do is get her in deeper trouble – she agrees.

 

After some sulking, she channels her perfectionistic tendencies into excelling at her Columbia classes and maintaining her carefully cultivated stability in order to persuade them that they can trust her to transfer to Yale later on.

 

They hope for the best, whatever that means.

 

\---

 

_August 2032 – Johannesburg, SA_

 

Ryan frowns at the updated schedule for Oliver’s post-Olympic press tour – busy enough originally, but twice as hectic now that Oliver’s done as well as he has. Ryan squints so hard behind his reading glasses that Michael almost suggests that he needs a new pair, but remembers Derrick and presses his lips together so nothing slips out. After all, it’s Derrick’s place to watch out for Ryan, not his. How could he forget, with Derrick across from him, standing behind Ryan to look over the itinerary, too?

 

It’s been a year and a half, will be two in January, and Derrick’s been a better stepfather than Michael could possibly have hoped, but that doesn’t mean he’s entirely accepted the fact that Derrick is a permanent fixture in their lives.

 

“This is a lot for –”

 

“It’s tight,” Michael agrees. It’s a lot for Oliver to do. He’ll be exhausted by the end of it and Michael worries about him doing so much before starting at Cal.

 

Ryan’s frown deepens a bit. “Nothing he can cut out?”

 

He’s gotten more patient as he’s gotten older, because he doesn’t snap like he might’ve years ago, reading into Ryan’s question implications and accusations – that Michael isn’t being careful enough with Oliver – that aren’t there. He just sighs. “There isn’t much left to cut at this point, we tried.” It’s a slightly less demanding schedule than he had. He made sure of that much, not wanting to put Oliver through the same circus.

 

Ryan throws a worried look at Oliver, who’s sitting on the couch in Michael’s suite, channel-surfing mindlessly while the three of them hash things out.

 

“Lo’s got orientation and Derrick’s got a big case starting soon.” Derrick had left RSL shortly after marrying Ryan, for reasons unbeknownst to Michael.

 

“That’s true –” Derrick starts. “But –”

 

Ryan interrupts excitedly, the thoughtful frown already turning up into a smile. “But like, it doesn’t even matter, this is big –”

 

Derrick smiles fondly down at Ryan. It’s not unlike the smiles that frequently crossed Michael’s face during their years together, before it all went south. Derrick puts a hand on Ryan’s shoulder that Ryan reflexively covers with his own.

 

Michael’s chest tightens at that casual gesture, how Ryan’s fingers fit through Derrick’s slightly paler ones.

 

“It is. We’ll figure it –”

 

“You don’t have to come,” Oliver interrupts from his spot on the couch.

 

Ryan’s smile drops. He puts down the itinerary, not taking his eyes off it as he lays it flat on the table, the fingers of his other hand tightening around Derrick’s.

 

“Actually, I’d rather you don’t.”

 

Michael expects there will be an argument.

 

What he doesn’t expect is for Ryan to clear his throat before nodding. “Just you and Dad then.”

 

Ryan can’t _do_ that. “Wait a –”

 

But the assistant they hired because Oliver can’t have an agent – not yet, not if he wants to swim in college – arrives before Michael can get another word in edgewise. Cynthia smiles brightly at them, oblivious to the tension in the room. “Now that you’ve had time to review the schedule, I wanted to check if we need to change any–” 

 

“Yeah. It’s just going to be me and my dad for the tour,” Oliver interrupts smoothly, giving Cynthia the same dazzling smile that’s already melting teenage hearts across the globe.

 

And breaking Michael’s, because he knows what’s behind that expression. Because he recognizes it from the times he’s seen it on his ex-husband’s face.

 

Cynthia looks surprised, but recovers quickly. “Well, then, you’ve got a busy day ahead. Let’s get you downstairs and you as well, Mr. Phelps –”

 

\---

 

Michael and Oliver get put through their paces for the rest of the day.

 

When it’s over, Oliver declares himself in need of a nap.

 

It’s only during that brief downtime that Michael thinks about what happened earlier in the day.

 

Ryan’s words hadn’t sounded like the ultimatum he expected. Like _Derrick goes where I go_. He’d sounded resigned.

 

That’s when it hits him that while he’d quickly realized Oliver’s (admittedly rude) words weren’t meant for Ryan, Ryan hadn’t.

 

He has no idea where Ryan is (the texts to him and the one to Derrick go unanswered), but he can make Oliver see.

 

\---

 

“You need to talk to your dad,” Michael says without preamble when Oliver answers the door to the hotel room they’d moved him into after he was done competing. “This is all just a big –”

 

“He already left. And I have a party to go to,” Oliver interrupts curtly. “Later, Dad.”

 

“Oliver!” Michael calls after his retreating back. But it isn’t over. He’ll be there when Oliver gets back.

 

\---

 

A series of muttered oaths wakes Michael up in the middle of the night.

 

He opens his eyes to the sight of Oliver being helped across the threshold by Charlie Adrian – Oliver’s childhood friend and current teammate.

 

“Is he all –”

 

“Just had a few too many. Celebrating and all that,” Charlie says awkwardly, struggling a bit under Oliver’s weight.

 

“Ne’er picks me,” Oliver slurs as Michael moves to his other side.

 

“What is he talking about?” Michael asks after they’ve half-heaved Oliver into bed.

 

Charlie hesitates. “He –”

 

“Lef’ again. Always leaves me.”

 

 _Ryan_.

Michael clears his throat. “You’re a good friend to him, you know? But I’ll take it from here.”

 

“Are you –”

 

“Please.”

 

Charlie leaves without another word.

 

“Don’ leave, ‘lease.”

“I’m here, Ols, I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Michael yanks up the covers on the other side of the bed and gets in.

 

That night, his 19-year old son grips his wrist just as tightly as he did at age 5, the first time Ryan left.

 

\---

 

But Oliver’s fingers are far longer and stronger than they were when he was 5 and his grip is much tighter than it was back then.

 

Michael’s mother stares at the purpling marks on his wrist in confusion that afternoon. Oliver himself gives him a quizzical look as the wardrobe and makeup people cluck over him before the first interview of the day, but Michael doesn’t breathe a word.

 

\---

 

Charlie Adrian turns out to be Oliver’s saving grace after the Olympics.

 

Because guys will be guys, building a new friendship over the vestiges of their childhood one isn’t difficult. By the end of Trials, they were fast friends again and at Cal, they become the very best of, different class years notwithstanding.

 

Oliver certainly still has _fun_ (plenty of it, too much of it for Michael’s utterly hypocritical taste), but Charlie’s sensible enough to keep him out of the worst trouble he could get himself into.

 

\---

 

_June 2034 – New York, NY_

 

Over a celebratory dinner at Nobu, Lo talks about how excited she is to be heading to Yale in the fall, not just because it’s where she wanted to be all along, but also because it will sound even better on her law school apps than Columbia. Lo wanting to be a lawyer is news to Ryan and Michael and Hilary, who insisted on coming up with him.  

 

But not to Derrick, who after all is a lawyer, too.

 

Michael spends the entirety of the flight back to Baltimore reading up on law schools and lawyering. By the time the taxi pulls up to his place, he’s ordered Amazon’s three highest-rated books on the application process and ignores his sister’s knowing looks.

 

\--

 

Every week that passes the following academic year, they breathe a sigh of relief as they see how Lo flourishes at Yale. It’s not easy, but the fact that she’s getting help there too helps them let her go.

 

Her senior year, Lo tells them that law schools love Teach for America. “Plus I spent so long being a brat even with so much going for me that I could probably use some good karma.”

 

She _deserves_ good karma, after everything she’s been through, how she hasn’t just not let it destroy her, but pulled herself together better and stronger and more determined than before.

 

Michael’s proud of her even if he’s not sure he has a right to be anymore.

 

\---

 

_Summer 2037_

 

Lo’s TFA placement is in San Francisco, where she falls in love. With the Bay and with Berkeley and with a boy.

 

Her brother is not pleased. Not because Oliver’s particularly protective, things being the way they’ve been for nearly a decade now.

 

It’s because it’s not just any boy. It’s his very best friend and _how dare she mess everything up_?

 

\---

 

_Fall 2037_

 

But after winning nine gold medals in Melbourne the previous year, Oliver’s a little too busy trying to wrap up his degree (he does that in December, with honors) and beat Michael’s other benchmark – 22 Olympic medals, 18 of them gold – to dwell on Lo and her love life and how it’s _ruining my life_. Having already won a total of 16 medals – 14 of them gold – over two Olympiads, with his next Games coming up just before his 27 th birthday, means it’s not an unreasonable goal, though Michael’s always wished he could shield Oliver from those comparisons.  

 

But for better or worse, Oliver’s gotten used to it in his 20-odd years and uses them as motivation.

 

\---    

 

Eventually, Oliver gets over his annoyance with Lo over _the Charlie thing_. Mostly because – Michael assumes – he sees Lo for the person she’s grown into and stops expecting the worst, stops expecting she’ll fall apart and his best friend (and he, too, by extension) will be left to deal with the fallout.

 

\---

_June 2040 – Indianapolis, IL_

 

The night before Oliver’s fourth Olympic trials, there’s a knock at Michael’s hotel room door.

 

He looks through the peephole before opening it, half-worried it might be some stalker fan looking for Oliver. But it’s only Charlie.

 

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” he half-scolds as he opens the door, feeling like a total dad. He has been for nearly half his life, for so many years that his kids are grown. This isn’t one of his, but the words come just as easily because it’s second nature at this point.

 

“I haven’t got anything in the morning, but even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Not until I talk to you.”

 

Charlie looks so anxious that Michael starts to worry that something must be wrong with Lo. She looked fine tonight, but maybe – “Is this about Lo?” Or maybe Oliver. To the best of his knowledge, Oliver hasn’t had a Joburg-type meltdown since, but – “Or –”

 

“I want to marry her,” Charlie blurts out. “Ask her, to marry me, I mean. I wanted to tell you. And you know, ask if you’re all right with that. She’s so independent –”

 

She is, now, thank God.  

 

“– she’d probably laugh if she knew I was asking, but still. I thought I should.”

 

“And Ryan?”

 

“I talked to him already. Sorry. I mean, it’s just – I haven’t seen you since I really . . . decided, I guess, but he was out in the Bay last month.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I asked him to keep quiet.”

 

“What did he say?”

 

“To go for it.”

 

Michael suspects there was more to it than that, but he supposes that’s between Charlie and Ryan. He considers putting the kid out of his misery. “Thought about where you’d get the ring, what she might li–”

 

Charlie smiles sheepishly and produces a telltale blue box.  

 

“Feeling pretty confident, aren’t you?”

 

“He said you’d be OK with it, too.”

 

Michael’s chest feels tight. “And Oliver? You tell him?”

 

“That I was going to talk to you both.”

 

“And –”

 

“About time.”

 

Michael realizes that Charlie’s quoting Oliver and laughs, relieved.

 

That reaction is a world apart from the Oliver who once gave Charlie “a little friendly advice” consisting of an inappropriately exhaustive accounting of his sister’s health history – with a decided “she’s a basket case” gloss – that was obviously intended to scare the kid off.

 

To his eternal credit, Charlie hadn’t run away screaming like most guys his age would have done – like Michael himself and, he suspects, Ryan would have back then. He’d confronted Lo’s past head on and continued to treat her like a queen. If it hadn’t been clear enough already, now it’s obvious that he considers Lo well-worth whatever baggage – and crazy family – might come with her.

 

And despite his best efforts Michael has yet to turn up anything alarming about the seemingly (and apparently actually) perfect Charlie Adrian, save the occasional escapade with Michael’s own son. So Michael has no reason to withhold his blessing.

 

More importantly, he has no desire to.

 

\---

_August 2040 – Paris, France_

 

This time around, Oliver presents the first flowers he gets on the podium – the 400 free relay, because he’s dropped the 400 IM from his program – to Lo. “Happy belated, sis.”

 

Lo clutches the bouquet in one hand and grips the railing with the other – the one with the blindingly bright diamond – as she leans down from the stands to kiss Oliver on the cheek.

 

The flowers that accompany medal number 21 – from the medley relay, the one that puts Oliver past Ryan in the all-time medal count – go to Ryan for the first time. Ryan blinks, momentarily stunned. But then he wraps Oliver – who’s been just a little bit taller than him for years now – in a fierce hug that reminds Michael of Steve Lochte.

 

Steve didn’t always understand Ryan, but loved him like hell anyway.

 

“Proud of you, Gator,” Ryan mumbles thickly. Michael can’t remember the last time he heard the childhood nickname Oliver answered to only when Ryan used it.

 

“Thanks, Pop,” Oliver answers just as thickly.

 

Derrick captures the moment on camera with a beaming smile of his own.

 

Thankfully, Oliver’s self-esteem is much stronger than Michael’s, so that coming up a medal shy of 22 is met with the optimistic declaration that now he’s “got an excuse to come back for another four years.”

 

Mostly, he seems to mean it. 

 

\---

 

_September 2041 – Berkeley, CA_

 

Lo graduates from Berkeley Law the following spring, with her wedding scheduled for just after Labor Day.

 

She’s glowing and Michael and Ryan (and Derrick) let her go with remarkable good grace.

 

Oliver’s heart appears to be as light as his feet as he dances with Samantha, the maid of honor, who is Lo’s former roommate. Even from a distance, Michael can see the animation in their gestures and the frequency of their laughter.

 

He can see the joy in his daughter and in her new husband and the contentment of Ryan and Derrick, too.

 

Michael tries to find his own joy and contentment in the fact that the three people he loves best – two because they’re his _life_ and one because he never stopped – are happy.


End file.
